


Past Tense

by fringegapphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, Generally angsty stuff, M/M, Mention of alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 21:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5307521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fringegapphil/pseuds/fringegapphil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan loved Phil. Past tense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Past Tense

**Author's Note:**

> So i usually don't write just straight up angst so here you go! Enjoy whatever the hell this is. 
> 
> (You can read this [fic](http://fringegapphil.tumblr.com/post/134168911100/past-tense) on my [tumblr](http://fringegapphil.tumblr.com/))

People talk about falling in love, but why is it that they never talk about falling out of it? Like it's a permanent thing, being in love. Maybe for some it is, but others, yeah, others aren't so lucky. I am one of those unlucky people. I fell in love, and yes I was in love, I knew I was. I was star-struck, and completely head over heels for a black haired boy who had cerulean blue eyes and the most gorgeous smile. I was in love with him. Was.

I don't know what happened, honestly, we just got...distant. It was like one day we stopped being so happy about seeing each other, and that's normal, we were out of the 'honeymoon' phase of our relationship. Which we had seemingly been in for three years. Three fantastic years. But yes, we stopped being overly happy about seeing each other everyday, normal right? Well then it kind of escalated.

We started fighting with each other, and _that_  started when I stopped finding Phil's mess ups cute. When he ate my cereal, when he misplaced my phone or laptop, when he forgot to set and alarm to get us up, when he didn't book the right tickets. Everything. We would yell at each other, but hours later we were back to kissing and making up. Though after a few months of fighting almost daily, we started sleeping in different rooms.

I feel like that's when we really fell apart.

After we started sleeping away from each other, we didn't wake each other up with kisses. We stopped having morning sex, and that lead to no sex at all. Sex isn't everything, neither of us is that shallow, but it did dent out relationship. No sex lead to no kisses or hugs or small touches. And I felt myself falling out of love with the man I thought for sure I would end up with.

I started noticing myself feeling dread about seeing him in the mornings, and having to spend a day with him _again_. I started despising his smile and his laugh and everything about him. I hated it, but I couldn't stop not liking him. I hated feeling these things, I wanted more than anything to love him again, but I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to say 'I love you' to him anymore. It hurt.

I'm not heartless, it hurt like hell. I wanted him to take me in his arms and make me magically love him again. Though when I looked in the mirror and tried to convince myself “yes I still love Phil”, I couldn't. I cried about it more than I cried about anything, and I knew through the thin walls of our rooms, he heard me crying. He would pretend he didn't hear my cries, or see the bags under my eyes from endless nights of no sleep. He kept up his facade of happiness, but I knew he felt it too. I think he was trying to hold onto the last threads of our relationship, trying to cling helplessly to what we use to have, because what we use to have was really really amazing.

He knew as well as I did, that we weren't in love anymore. Though he was always better at pretending, and he pretended to love me, but when I finally tired of pretending with him, he took a bit of a different angle. He began sleeping with other people. He knew I knew about it, and he didn't try and hide the liquor on his breath, or the penetrating smell of sex that stuck to his clothes. He would come home far too late (3am) and I would be up listening for him (I still cared about him, I wanted him home safe). Sometimes I heard the person he took home, and I heard him whispering for them to be quite because his _roommate_ was asleep. I knew we weren't in love, but it still stung that he had already threw away our labels and replaced the shiny 'boyfriends' one for the less then 'roommates' one. We were still technically together, we had never broken up, so yes, it brought tears to my eyes to hear that.

One day I had gone to get water, when I heard the door closing. I quickly dropped the glass into the sink and made a dash for my room when I heard my name being called from behind me. And by called I mean severely slurred.

“Dan!” It was nearly incoherent, and if he hadn't been pointing at me when he stumbled up the stairs, I might have mistaken his words. “Dan there you are!” He was definitely drunk.

“I didn't go anywhere Phil, you did.” Phil's brain processed that, and it was written on his face that he was trying to figure out what to say to that.

“Ohh right!” Phil exclaimed loudly. I nodded and started to walk away, when he stumbled forward and grabbed onto the back of my shirt. “Where are you going!?”

“To bed Phil, as you should.” I said, pulling him off me.

“But I don't want to sleep alone.” He whined, throwing his arms around my neck. He hung himself on my neck, his face pressed to my chest.

“Phil seriously get off me and go to bed.” I ripped his arms off my neck.

“But I want to sleep with you Dan.” Phil moved forward, and ended up backing me into a wall. “I want to be next to you.”

“Phil you are so drunk, stop.” Phil shook his head and lent in to kiss me. I forgot how his lips felt so velvety under mine, but unlike when we first kissed, I felt absolutely nothing. I kept my eyes open, searching for somewhere to look, until he pulled away.

He then smiled and went into his bedroom, to hopefully sleep.

In the morning he came out of his room with a hangover, and grabbed a glass of water. He sat down next to me, leaving a huge gap between us. Like usual.

“Having fun getting drunk again?” I said sarcastically, but it wasn't playful.

“Yeah so much fun, really enjoying the headache.” Phil snapped back. I rolled my eye and turned up the volume. We sat in silence for a moment until he turned to look at me. “Did you kiss me last night?” His tone made him sound accusing, like I would have been at fault if I had been the one to kiss him.

“No Phil, you have it backwards.”

“I-what?” He stuttered, his brows going together.

“You have it backwards. You kissed me.” I got off the couch and went to walk of the lounge, when he got up to continue the conversation we were apparently not done having.

“I wouldn't have kissed you.” It's funny we were fighting about this, people in relationships usually like kissing each other, but it was an offense to us. Kissing each other was not normal.

“Well you did, right after you came home from your one night stand.” Phil looked shocked, his eyes wide and his jaw clenched. I raised my eyebrows.

“I-uh-i- why didn't you try and stop me?” Phil wanted to turn this around, again.

“Maybe because I wanted to see if it still felt the same.” I said unexpectedly. “I didn't.”

Phi paused and turned away. When he turned back his eyes were filled with tears. “Dan.” His voice was deep and rumbling with emotion. “Dan do you still love me?” He gulped and when he blinked the first stream of tears ran down his cheeks. I didn't answer. “Answer me! Do you still love me?”

I shook my head, and I realized I was crying as well. “No Phil, and I know you don't love me anymore.” We were both standing here, everything out in the open, and neither of us knew what to do next.

Phil took a deep breath. “I guess you're right. We don't love each other anymore.” He wiped his eyes. “What do we do.” I looked him in the eyes. They were soft, and caring, and he walked over to me and wiped the tears off my cheeks with his thumbs.

“Break up I guess.” He stood inches from me. His hands dropped down to my hands.

“I guess we should.”

“I still care about you.” I said, “even after everything, I still care about you. You're my best friend.”

“I still care about you too Dan, and I never meant to hurt you.” I smiled, he hurt me, a lot, but we were both kind of stupid to try and force ourselves to make it work. I nodded.

“Guess this is the end then huh?” I said, dropping his hands.

“I guess so.”

“I loved you.” Past tense. More tears fell from our eyes.

“I loved you too.” Past tense. We broke up.

Years later though, I still wonder what could've happened if we never fell apart. If I loved him, present tense.


End file.
